Relationship advice needed (Gay)

I am in a relationship with another man that is not out to anyone. Despite that, he is, for the most part, a great guy - sincere, honest, loyal. It is hard sometimes to find that in a relationship!





Yet after more than a year, I find myself feeling as if this relationship may not have a real future. I've never met anyone he knows, and he's made it clear that I never will. I feel as if I'm the hidden part of his life that will never receive any acknowledgment. Only one person knows his orientation - and they think he is bi! As well, he is always late, by hours (the most was 7), and forgets constantly to call. It's more that he is just a very laid-back, go-with-the-flow kind of man, but it still irks me. I could never surprise him with dinner or a gift or friends, because I know he would end up ruining it. My friends find it annoying that I can't make plans with them and him because of this.





I'm not sure if I should continue the relationship, but at the same time, I wonder if I'm putting too much into trying to make it perfect. No one is ';perfect';, and to expect that sets you up for disappointment. It has me so very confused. In addition, I see other guys and other relationships that seem to be so much more...complete than mine. I've lost sexual interest most of the time, and that is mostly due to his sexual inhibitions - they're a bit extreme (who wears a shirt when being intimate??!).





What should I do? Should I keep trying? Try to work it out? Am I just being too picky, or am I in the wrong relationship? Am I afraid to end it because I don't want to hurt him, or because I really do love him more than I think?





Any ideas?Relationship advice needed (Gay)
The problem is you will always come second to his 'straight' life. He clearly views that as a priority. As for the lateness I don't like being late for a meeting by a few minutes let alone hours and on a regular basis!





The point is he has a simple choice he is either in a relationship and commits himself to that in the sense that he gradually emerses you into his whole life, not just the few spare hours he chooses to set aside or he sets you free.





I know there are alot of complications in people's lives that make them feel they need to 'hide' their sexuality. Personally I find it very sad, but it is the individual person's choice. However for you this means you have no consistancy, you don't even have a life away from him as you are expected to drop everything for him. Even when you do see him he still has his 'issues' I think the time has come for a serious conversation in which you let him know how you feel. He needs to come to terms with who he is, if only for his own peace of mind. You need to know you are getting more than a part time companion and some difficult, but necessary decisions need to be made. Good luck, but be prepared to stand your ground as you deserve a 'proper' relationship and he needs to understand this! Relationship advice needed (Gay)
if you are not happy were you are in the relationship and you have tried to talk to him and things do not change for the better, then I say its time to move on. But! I know if I was in your spot I would have a hard time with this too.
Well babe this is just my opinion...I don't mind someone who has one foot in the closet and the other out, but one that stays in and only peeks out when its convienet for him, well I would have a problem with that. It seems like you are his dirty little secret and that he takes you for granted. Like some little puppy who will always be there when he needs you, but never there when you need him.





i can't tell you what to do, but I can suggest that you weigh the pros and cons of being with him and make the decision.





BTW you don't want to let him go becuase you do not want to hurt him? Well think about all that this has done to you. Who is hurting more? Right now it seems like he is holding the winning hand...I think you need to go all in and see what he does.





Good luck, babe.
This is hard for you. You admit that you love him a lot, but unfortunately in such a relationship your love cannot develop and grow. There will always be tension and disappointment. Until he becomes honest with himself and others there is no way that your relationship will be satisfactory, so unless he changes I think you need to be cruel to be kind. Get rid of him and move on.
You are in the wrong relationship. Actually, you are not in a relationship. You are the secret fantasy of this man, and he calls all the shots, and he gets to have his fantasy when he wants it, and your needs are not important. So, I do not define that as a relationship because it is not even close to reciprocal. But, you are obviously not ready to end this fantasy of his. Therefore, I would have a serious talk with him, and tell him exactly how you feel, and tell him what your needs are, and that you are no longer going to tolerate his keeping you in the closet. Tell him you are willing to help him with this, but if this is not also his goal, i.e., to come a little bit out of the closet, then he may need to decide to find another fantasy man. Or, you may wind up embarrassing him accidentally, because this is not how you choose to live. And, by the way, do make plans with your friends, because when this fantasy turns into a nightmare, you might need your friends.
U should end things with him. He is keeping you a secret from the people that he knows and that aint fair on you. U deserve to be with someone that respects you and will treat u right. U need to get shot of him and find a new man. Put yourself first. If it means hurting him to get out of the relationship and find urself happier then it has to be done.