Mature relationship advice?

my guy and i've been seeing each other for a while and we recently got in a huge argument about religion. hes athiest and i am a christian although the differences are not important at this point. he is a philosphy major and apparently his hobby is iniating debates with me over religion. i've made it clear its a hot topic and feelings get hurt when he continues. during this fight i realized that its almost impossible for him to open up with me and share his feelings. when this happens he tends to ignore my phone calls and later says he didnt want to talk so he doesnt say something hurtful. everything else is perfect.. i just feel like he doesnt give a lick about my feelings.. i'd like to explain this to him but even with this above explanation, it doesnt get through..Mature relationship advice?
I know what's it's like to be in a relationship like that, the only difference is I'm the one that's not Christian.





Here is the best advice I can give. If the argument is always the same thing, use the ';broken record'; tactic.





He starts to debate about the religion, you say, ';uh huh, not going to argue/talk about this subject'; (use your own words). Say it calmly and with little emotion.





He might continue and you continue to say the exact same thing. Don't get heated, don't agrue, don't even change the tone of your voice. It will annoy the hell out of him and probably upset him for awhile, but if you let him argue, it will upset you.





If everything else is perfect than this shouldn't ruin the relationship.





Best of luck.





Edited:


Wait, you want to break up with him?? Then why do you need to tell him anything... it will make him beg for you to stay. Break up with him, tell him you are sorry it's just not working out, and lose all contact with him.





If you stay nice to him, it might lead him on. Or if you keep contact you might begin to regret it for no logical reason.Mature relationship advice?
It may be that he feels like you are not listening to him and how he feels. You said that it was over disagreeing opinions, sometimes its hard to disagree and still let the other person have their own thoughts on the matter. It becomes about who's right and wrong, and that hurts both people. He probably thinks he was opening up and sharing his feelings, and you got upset with him.





Tips to try:


1. Use sentences like ';I understand you feel that way, I just don't feel that way';.


2. Repeat back what you heard him say. ';So your saying you think....';


3. Use ';I'; sentences. ';I feel hurt when you say.... because I think your saying.....';





Bottom line, he probably is trying to get close to you, and I'm sure he does care about your feelings, he's just trying to do that without feeling hurt himself.
Being a Christian you know that being unequally yoked is not what the Lord wants for your life.





Every time I got involved with someone who was not religious I found that I started slacking off on Church and bible study....things I enjoy and make me feel good. Oh, believe me I thought my love and prayers could change them and it probably could have if I stayed on the path. I am learning through experience.





What I am getting at is do not settle. IF everything is perfect and in Gods perfect will, then pray for your boyfriend to heal. Maybe your debates is making him feel you don't care as well as you are not understanding his philosophical point of view. It's like with my guy...do NOT discuss politics because it is the same dead end argument.





I would suggest #1: talking to your minister and get guidance from him. #2: Take a Religion class at the local community college. I took a wonderful class that used the bible as a literature standpoint and I was able to understand the bible better but also being able to view the bible on a philosophical level as well.





If you are strong in your faith, then you will know what the right thing to do is.
Sounds like maybe you should put this discussion on hold, still do your prayer, church whatever but NEVER force your spiritual beliefs on anyone. If he sees you blossom in spirit and vitality that is attractive. You can't CONTROL someone nor he you so let it go. By saying he DOESN';T listen sounds like you really want him to see your view and so if he dissagrees there is no peace. Let it go...be healthy by doing your own thing and he may come around. Maybe he isn't athiest just doesn't see things the way YOU do. Faith and pray to Jesus for guidence. JESUS always knocks as a GENTLEMAN NOT knocks down your door...PEACE OUT!
well first off i would say if it's hurting you to be with him then you are probably better off by yourself because you can do bad by yourself and secondly think about the future how can you settle down with someone whom doesn't share the same beliefs as you every time that subject comes up there will be problems and what would your parents think? i say just let him know how you feel and that things are difficult b/c the two of you have different religions and that things won't work out if he can't reason with you and if he ask what your saying or what you mean just tell him it takes two and if he can't meet you half way then your leaving i know it won't be easy but it will be worth it%26gt; good luck sweetie
Dump him and find someone who will respect both you and your feelings.
my last GF and I broke up over the same thing. We agreed that it was just a fundamental irreconcilable difference between us. We still love and respect each other, and we also still know we made the right decision to part ways.





It's hard, but you both need to be honest with each other. Strong (but differing) religious convictions are relationship killers. You need to have the discussion soon.
It sounds like your decision has been made. But if you are going to talk to him about it, at least go in open-minded enough to give him one last chance to open up. It seems to me that if you care enough to explain yourself to him, you should also be willing to extend one last benefit of the doubt.
...and it never will either.





Dump this guy and find someone you are more compatible with. Your religious differences are too great for you to be anything more than just boyfriend and girlfriend. He clearly likes to piss you off, is that really what you want in a boyfriend.?
since it's not the first time, it seems like there is a lot built up behind all of this. Even though everything else is perfect, this sounds like a big issue.





If you've made it perfectly clear that this is a very touchy subject with you, and he still continues to push the topic then it honestly just seems that his inclincation to debate things is only because he likes to hear himself talk, and feels good talking ';deep.';





He's making the right move by telling you he doesn't want to say anything hurtful, the problem is he waits until AFTER the fact to worry about your feelings.





Sharing thoughts and feelings on issues is important but not to the extent where yours are being belittled.





You are your own person and not all beliefs/ideas are going to match his perfectly, he needs to understand AND appreciate that.





I don't really know how to resolve this other than being honest with him about this and telling him if he HAS to debate issues then he needs to consider the importance of your feelings just as much, if not more, than his own ideas.





Try and talk to him though because the more this happens the harder it will be to put it behind you to the point where it stirs up anger and resentment.





Best of luck!
religion IS a delicate matter... if you can't hadle it now... it will be more complicated in the future especially if he's debating kinda guy.... marriage... kids... parents in-law. whew!... can't help you there missy. good luck.