Serious relationship advice needed.?

After being in a miserable and yet sometimes happy relationship for two years then I break up with him, had no communication for two months, can I still be friends eg coffee every now or then. I feel I can let go but worried he would take this as a chance to have me back. However Im finding it hard to break all ties. Please help serious answers only. ThanksSerious relationship advice needed.?
Hello there! I was in a relationship for seven years (since the age of 19), which became on-off for the final couple of years. After each break-up (which I instigated), my boyfriend would contact me after a couple of weeks, saying that he was sorry, that he now realised why I'd broken up with him and that he'd change. He'd tell me that he still loved me and that it was a waste to break-up after having been together for such a long time %26amp; that we should work at improving the relationship. I'd find myself excusing the behaviour which made me break up with him in the first place (even downplaying it or finding fault within myself, that wasn't there) and justifying getting back together with him, because of all the good times we'd had. He knew that soo soon after a break-up, I'd be feeling vulnerable and like there was a part of me missing. I'd always fall into his trap! Ineviatably, we'd get back together and nothing will have changed.





I finished with him for good this January and because I felt we shared a lot together - I still cared about him, and wanted to know that he was doing well and also considered him someone I could confide in as a friend - I didn't want to break all ties. We have met up for coffee a few times. The first time was four months after we broke up. Each time we met up, I felt nothing. I didn't have those intense feelings for him anymore, because I knew that I wanted someone/something better/different. Therefore, he was unable to take advantage of possibly raw, vulnerable feelings. I knew that I'd never go back.





What you need to ask yourself is how intense was this relationship? Have I given myself enough time to get-over him (physically and mentally)? Do I hold onto a vulnerability, which he may exploit? You could so easily fall back into a relationship that wasn't right for you, if your answers to these questions are not satisfactory, yet you go out for a 'coffee' with him! Give yourself time, keep yourself occupied (e.g go out with friends, go to the gym etc.) and when you're ready, there's nothing wrong with meeting up with coffee with this guy.





I wish you all the best!Serious relationship advice needed.?
If you do not want him as a partner, then you have to be upfront about it. '; I miss you as a friend. I am not interested in getting back into a relationship like we had, but I would like do catch a cup of coffee now and then with you. Just because we decided we did not work as a couple, we were friends first, and I would like to have that back.'; If you would be comfortable with that, it would be good.'; Then if he says, no...let it go. If he says OK, and then tries to get back together, tell him it isn't working and you will have nothing but good wishes for him and let him go. I don't mean use what I wrote, I was just giving an example. If he still has romantic feelings for you, two months may not be long enough for him to be ready to be 'just friends'. In that case it would be wrong for you to be around him because it would hurt him.
It really is best to cut all ties as remaining in contact not only prolongs the agony but prevents you from moving on. If you are really serious about finishing this relationship for good then it is best not to have contact, get rid of anything that reminds you of him that you have and get out there and enjoy yourself, take up a new hobby - anything to take your mind off it. I think you are kidding yourself by saying you want to have coffee with him now and then - be honest with yourself as I think deep down you want to get back with him. Focus on the bad things in the relationship which will help you put things in the right persepective. Good luck and I hope you find the happiness you deserve.
Hi,


i have been in similar situation too. if u r sure u can handle a platonic relationship then why cant u break all ties with him. If u still have feelings for him then meeting for coffee etc will only prolong the break up assuming ur serious in ur reasons of break up. If u r then i suggest a clean break with no ties. coz i realize in my case the friendship only got messy when i had a new love in my life,i got to here a lot of emotional crap from my ex. But oif ur not sure if u want the relationship to end then seeing him platonically might help u decide if there is future for u two.
Yup, a lot of memories in those 2 years.





';Friends can be lovers but lovers rarely become friends.';





If there is a slight chance you feel things


can still workout for you guys, then by all


means, work it babe. But if you feel you're


threading a one-way street, then, that's all


there is to it. Think about your relationship


as a one-woman show and bail out COMPLETELY.


Say it with me... ';adios muchacho';. :)





Good luck.


-
I've been in a relationship the same but for 6 years when we broke up i did still loved him loads but he still come round and we would chat for ages but just make your feelings clear to each other if u wanna b together then do it but don't mess each other around if it is friendship your both after and that's it,it does work hope I've helped in some way take care x x
if it was misrable and no comunication there its best to leave it where it is, but im trying to get back my bf and it hurts so much if u feel u wud do anything 2 get back with him then go for it. :D hope you chose the best decision
well, in order for you to let go.. it means just that letting go. that means no coffee,no movie,no love for old times.. unless your heart still wants him back. but remeber one thing he's an ex for a reason. why go back to a relationship were the bad times out weights the good..just leave him alone. and be patient, a better person will come your way...
Of course you can still be friends. Just make sure he knows what the ground rules are. Tell him you'd like to be friends and meet for the occasional chat and coffee, but only as friends. If he can't accept that then it's his loss. I'm recently divorced, but see my ex quite a lot, we're great friends, just not lovers any more. It can work.
Best is a clean break! Leave it alone or you will end up in bed with him again.
Ask yourself why you want to go back, is it because you dont want to be alone? It easier to stay together for the wrong reasons compared to splitting for the right reasons. Good luck
cut all contact from him, it will only get worse the more you see him, i did this with my ex, we had a horrible relationship sometimes it was good,we loved eachother so much but we were no good for eachother.


I still kept seeing him, sleeping with him, it was just awful because he didnt respect me. I sarted drinking heavily and not eating, I was depressed and going slowly downhill. I started realising what I was doing and started seeing mates a bit more, i was happier and met a guy.


My life is so good now we live together, engaged and have a baby boy!


There is someone out there who is right for you, you just have to wait.
Can you not tell him 'no'? And mean it? If you're worried about him trying to get back with you, break all ties, simple as that. Don't look back.
my ex and i were divorced because he was going out with my girlfriend. and after awhile she left him but he used to come by to see our daughter so often he would stay for lunch or a bbq.we were never intimate again but were good friends right up to the day he died . it's up to you what you do in life . just respect yourself and protect yourself from being used
There was a reason why you broke up with him. When you are involved in a sexual relationship with someone and its over its hard to be JUST friends. I think you need to make new friends or just rely on the ones that are already PROVEN friends. If it's over leave it alone and move on and doing this will allow him to do the same. Use your free time for things that will bring you happiness not remind you of the past. Good luck.
Why would you want to? Don't you have enough friends? Once it's over, it's over. Don't go back.
Nothing really is the same once you've let go of a long relationship. I was in a relationship for 2 years, just like you. I went through a lot of hard times too. I left him and it took me almost 2 years to truly let go. Nothing is easy in life, specially when it comes to love matters. I strongly suggest that if you truly want to go on with life, and yet you find it hard to break ties, you shouldn't go and see him... Maybe in a few months or a year, no one knows...but the time will come when you will be able to meet him and not feel sorry for freeing yourself. You will be haapy and with no regrets. It's easy to say that you've let go, but ask yourslef seriously, have you truly let go? He cannot make you come back to him unless you really want to, but the question is would you be happy in the long run if you get back together?





Me and my X-bf have decided to move on with our lives, and maybe someday we will meet and talk about the relationship as treasured memories. I believe lovers can by friends, because once a person enters your life and heart, they will never leave you. We are all connected.
I have to be honest with you, there are men who don't like to get in touch with their exes. I can somewhat sense that you still love him, give it a shot, I guess. But if he says no, move on and find someone else hotter. xD
You need to move on and cut him out of your life for good. You split for a reason, it's not possible in my experience to remain friends with an ex. Consider this; you could talk to a male friend about other guys, new relationships etc, but you couldn't talk to your ex about these things, for fear of hurting his feelings. So I think that means you can't be friends. You need a clean break and seeing him will only prolong the heartache and slow down the process of moving on. It's a nice ideal to stay friends, but the reality is far from ideal, say you meet another guy who you end up settling down with and marrying, will there be space in your life for an ex who is now your best friend?
if you want to get over him seriously try and break all ties go out with mates or even have a fling i know its hard been there b4 but seriously just keep trying im sorry if this not a lot of help
Leave it for at least 4 months, to let the both of you move on and stop hurting. It's really hard trying to be friends after you split up, but my b/f and his ex have managed it. We even all live together in one house! After the 4 months, try making tentative contact, texting, whatever, but make sure he understands that you don't want to get back together, you just want to be friends. You also need to be sure that this is what you want, and that you'll be able to do it, not just fall back into the same old pattern with him, of a relationship. If you end up doing it, just make sure that you know when to move on, if it isnt working. Its very rare that you can turn a relationship into a friendship...Good Luck!
I was in a relationship for three years and at the end tried my best to stay friends after six months and him terrorizing anyone he seen me with the best thing to do was completly break all ties,he clearly could not handle anything other than what we were,but all men are different but again it is a rare few who can totally let go of there feelings to a friendship level.Also you do end up pitying them and slowly but surely they worm there way back into your life,it is such a hard thing to do and it does take months to get used to them not being in your life but there is nothing worse than a relationship that is not working and getting away from that relationship good terms or bad...Ps you do get over it no matter how bad youfeel now xx
My advice it that you can't be friends with an X. Maybe years later it could work, and you could again laugh with each other about the silly things you did together. But now things are too raw. Move on Sweetie and things will get easier. Being friends with him now will give him the signal that he still has a hold on you, which could make him persuade you to try again. I am going thru a divorce, and have tried being friends with my X. It does not work! It is just more heartache waiting to happen. Move on. It is hard to break the ties of emotions that you have for him, but they will be easier the less you interact with him.
its all about knowing your own mind really,,you have to feel strong enough to seperate him from ex to friend,,do you have news to share in a friendly way,,can you actually be his friend? do you feel you could sit and firmly say,,';this is just a coffee,not a date'; and stick to it? can you see your past with him as past .
Hi there!





Friendship is the best relationship after having a serious relationship with someone.. I always see to it that my x will become my friends.. Just think of the things that you both shared and did.. From that, there's no way of having a friendship, right??





Take care!!